Jessica Reynold's Diary
by starfruit
Summary: A lot funnier than it sounds, please check it out. There's hormones, Oliver worshipping, Snape hating and much more. Written in the style of 'Bridget Jone's diary' but you don't have to have read that book to laugh!
1. 1st September

The Diary of Jessica Reynolds - 5th year Gryffindor  
  
  
  
1st September  
  
It was the first day back of my 5th year at Hogwarts, and my 14th year of being single, so I decided to start a diary - of my life. To tell the truth about Jessica Reynolds.  
  
Boyfriends: 0 Chocolate Frogs: 5  
  
6.30pm  
  
FINALLY we're at school, and we're about to get something to eat. Not that I didn't eat anything on the train of course, I had 5 chocolate frogs - but that's beside the point. It doesn't count, and I wasn't at school yet. My diet starts.tomorrow.  
  
I don't like 1st years, I really don't, and neither does Alicia, so we were talking all through the sorting. It's not like I have a brother or sister to clap for when they get sorted. Unlike Fred and George. They have yet ANOTHER sibling getting sorted this year. I don't know what it is about red-heads.  
  
I'm looking up at the staff table. They're all there, Flitwick - very funny, especially when he falls off his desk. Hagrid - weird, but nice. He always makes a point of talking to me, he remembers my Dad.Dumbledore - nice, but barmy. McGonagall - I know for a fact *she* doesn't like me. Snape.ugh!  
  
Don't even get me *started* on him. He's the same as ever, greasy hair, sour expression, black robes. I mean *what* is it with the black? I really don't know.Oh, shit he's looking at me.better move on. Who's that talking to him? That must be the new DADA teacher. He looks okay, apart from the turban. Jeez, none of our teachers have any style! Purple is not a fashion statement.Oooh! Food, I love the house elves!!  
  
8.20pm  
  
Two words - OLIVER WOOD!  
  
I was sitting in the Gryffindor common room with Alicia and Katie, and he walks in, looking waaaaay better than last year. He's lost the braces and the glasses, new haircut, and his acne's cleared up completely (wish I could say the same for mine) and he just looks drop dead gorgeous!! And you know what he said??  
  
'Hi Jessica.'  
  
Can you believe that?? It's just this air of confidence he has about him - when last year he was so quiet. Always off by himself, or those Weasley twins. Flying around that Quidditch pitch in all kinds of weather. And now he just found out he's the Quidditch Captain this year, because the last one graduated last year. So he's grinning like a maniac, and oh.that smile! Didn't realise it before but WOW!  
  
And he said 'hi', to *me*. Addressed to me personally, and he remembered my name. Now, wait. Mustn't read too much into this.  
  
I wonder if Dumbledore would let us get married at school, or maybe Oliver has some secret, romantic Scottish castle we could go to? Yes, that sounds good.  
  
10.15pm  
  
Okay, so I'm meant to be getting to sleep, but I can't! Katie is snoring, Alicia is sleeptalking and even if they would just shut up, I don't think I could sleep. I blame the chocolate, and the pie.  
  
I hate house elves. I really do. Aaah! Can't sleep cannot sleep. I'm gonna grab my book and go and write some stuff. That seems like a good plan. At least until Alicia and Katie stop tormenting me. Honestly, they're so good at it now they're even doing it in their sleep.  
  
10.17pm  
  
Damn! Bugger bugger bugger shit bugger bugger shit.  
  
  
  
Well THAT went well! (note the sarcasm).  
  
I went down to the common room, hair a mess, in my mankiest pyjamas, and he was there! Sitting by the fire.reading. Then he saw me, so I couldn't turn around again and run upstairs. So I smiled, and he went back to his book. So.I sat down next to him. And he asked me why I was up, and I said (stupidly) 'I could ask you the same question.' And he laughed, and said he couldn't sleep, and he was reading a Quidditch book. So guess what I said??  
  
'I LOVE Quidditch!' and he smiled, and I thought it had gone right for once.but then he said 'Why don't you try out for the team?' So I mumbled. I MUMBLED..and looked down, and I think he took it as a yes, cos he said 'Great!' and I ran upstairs, he probably thinks I am a total arse-hole, but at least he talked to me!  
  
Shit.I could have made that go really great, as well. Me, him, the fire, and empty common room.  
  
DAMMIT!!  
  
Why don't these things go right for me?? Here, is the perfect conversation..  
  
Oliver: Why are you awake at this time? Me: I couldn't sleep. Oliver: Neither could I Me: Quidditch through the ages? I'm really pleased you're Captain this year, Oliver. Oliver: Thanks.  
  
HOW EASY WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN??? Why do I think of good things to say AFTER the moment has been and gone?  
  
Now he thinks I'm an ugly, stupid clutz with no brain cells. Damn him for being so gorgeous! Normally I can talk to guys, I don't have any trouble, but it's different with him.  
  
10.30pm  
  
I'm still awake.and Katie is still snoring. Alicia stopped sleep talking thank goodness, but I feel sick. It's the pie.  
  
If I hadn't eaten so much before, I wouldn't have still been awake, then I wouldn't have gone downstairs to the common room, wouldn't have made a fool of myself with Oliver, and I could have made a really good impression on him tomorrow.  
  
My life ruined.all because of food.  
  
I hate house elves! 


	2. 2nd September

September 2nd  
  
Boyfriends: 0 Crushes: 1 Mortal enemies: 1 Celebs known: 1  
  
8.00am  
  
I didn't realise Harry Potter had been sorted into Gryffindor. I think I was too busy talking to Alicia about Angelina's new haircut (which, may I add, makes her look AWFUL).  
  
But I know someone famous - YAY!  
  
Well, he's a nice kid. A bit dorky, perhaps, but I'm sure he'll do okay.  
  
9.15am  
  
Scratch that last bit, I've just seen the look Snape gave him from the teacher's table. He's in for a hard time there.  
  
I think it's because he's the boy who lived, and Snape is definitely a Death eater. Or a Vampire. Or a Vampire Death Eater. Is it possible to be both?  
  
9.20am  
  
Heheh! He can be all right though. He's funny, in a weird sarcastic way. A bit like me, sometimes. That's why he doesn't like me, my amazing wit! He doesn't seem to like that at all - but I can't help it!  
  
He just doesn't like knowing that I'm better than him at certain things. Oh well, I'll just try to stop being rude. If he'll wash his hair. Honestly, it's gross to the point of distraction!!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Damn! Just dropped my diary in Alicia's cereal! I shouldn't eat and write.  
  
9.30am  
  
He just walked past, and he saw me scribbling away! Hehehe - you know what he said??  
  
'Miss Reynolds - I'm surprised you managed to past 4th year.'  
  
So I smiled, It's the best way to annoy him, it really is. Look cheerful!  
  
'How could I not, sir? With such an excellent potions grade!'  
  
Then he sneered, and saw my diary.  
  
'And what would you be working so hard on, already?'  
  
'Love letters, Professor.' I said, with a very straight face, even though Alicia sitting next to me was shovelling porridge in her mouth to stop the giggles. I'm really getting rather good at this - Snape-baiting, I like to call it.  
  
He smirked, and leant forward a little. I could see Alicia out of the corner of my eye, trying to pretend she wasn't there. She always gets very uncomfortable when me and Snapey have our little 'chats'. She doesn't know what to do.  
  
'And to whom - ' he said, in his silkiest voice. ' - would the aforementioned love letters be addressed?'  
  
I smiled, sweetly, and tilted my head to one side. 'To you, Professor Snape.' I said, perfectly calmly.  
  
Snape is so used to me he didn't even raise an eyebrow.  
  
'Indeed, Miss Reynolds. But I would be grateful if your little infatuation with me doesn't affect your classwork. I wouldn't want you getting bad marks in potions, now would I?'  
  
I smiled again 'I'll try sir.' I said, and Alicia gave up on the porridge plan and collapsed into giggles again as Snape stalked off.  
  
'What's so funny, Alicia?' I asked her. 'Compared to some of the things you've heard me say to Snape that wasn't that funny.'  
  
'It wasn't that!' she laughed.  
  
I gave her my best 'patronising glare'. 'What was it then?'  
  
'Snape said hard-on!!'  
  
'Oh grow up!'  
  
Alicia always worries about me saying things like that to Snape, but it is the first day, I suppose I'd better tone it down after this. Anyway, come Friday he will have forgotten about our little conversation. We always have potions on a Friday.  
  
9.45am  
  
SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!  
  
Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
McGonagall just gave us our timetables......  
  
Guess what I have first? POTIONS.  
  
Can you BELIEVE that?? Me and my stupid big mouth!!  
  
Excuse me, I'm just off to shut my head in a door.  
  
  
  
  
  
6.00pm  
  
DAMN! It happened again, I couldn't help myself! It's one thing to annoy Snape when it's just me and him. It's another thing to annoy him in front of a class.  
  
So he 'swooped' in dramatically, and then went on to do his 'There will be no foolish wand-waving.etc etc.' speechy thing.  
  
So I put my hand up and - look, all I said was 'We're not first years, Professor.'  
  
Which was THE worst thing I could have said, cos he rounded on me, and started asking me questions!  
  
How do I know where a bloody bezoar comes from? Belly of a goat - my arse!!  
  
Well.maybe I should have kept quiet, and not answered. And I REALLY should NOT have answered:-  
  
' Kentucky Fried Bezoars?'  
  
Oh well - everyone else thought it was funny, even if he didn't. Oh, and when I say 'everyone' you know I'm excluding people without a sense of humour.  
  
Eg. McGonagall and Angelina Johnson.  
  
Our dear Head of House (note the sarcasm) got a detailed account of what happened in potions from daaaaaaarling Angelina, and McGonagall had a go at me.  
  
It's only 10 stinking points, woman!!  
  
10.15pm  
  
We were in the common room, me, Oliver and Angelina (she wouldn't leave!). And you know what Wood said to me?  
  
'Nice one, Reynolds!' about the potions thingy, he thought it was funny!! Yaaaaay!! It was sooooooo worth it. I'm going to do it again. Not soon though.  
  
But then he reminded me about trying out for the team, and that BITCH Angelina said 'Jessica? Try out for the team? Jessica can't even fly straight, you should have seen her in 1st year.'  
  
Oliver looked at me, and I gave mental KICKS to Angelina, bitch! Just because she is really good at flying and really wants this place on the team cos she's been waiting for the chaser last year to leave. Doesn't mean she can stop me!  
  
Well - technically she can! To be fair to her, she is really good. And she's the only other person who wants to be the 3rd chaser this year - I'd better start practising. Alicia and Katie will help me, they've been on the team since 2nd year.  
  
Yes, they're good friends and they will help me. Failing that, I will poison Angelina.  
  
Tomorrow  
  
Or Saturday.  
  
  
  
Weather depending. 


	3. September 5th

September 5th  
  
Boyfriends: 0 Points lost/gained: -20 (oopsie.what can I say?) Mortal enemies: 1 Chocolate frogs: 3  
  
6.00pm  
  
Why do they give us so much homework? I can't stand it. I barely have time to breathe with all this work they're piling on us. And that Granger girl is REALLY asking for a kicking. I left my Potions essay in the common room.  
  
'I'm sorry, I couldn't help noticing, but the correct step 3 for an enlarging potion isn't that - you see, you have it the wrong way round, you're confusing it with step 5......'  
  
Aaaaaaaargh!! SHE'S A FIRST YEAR!! I can't stand her, really I can't. ALWAYS in the library, ALWAYS working - and her hair is worse than Angelina's.  
  
Oliver ate eggs today for breakfast. Not that I noticed, I just happened to see him. He is very sweet in the mornings, unlike me. I'm grumpy and pissed off in the morning, but he wakes up chirpy and smiling. I don't know what it is! But he did ask me when I was going to try out for the team. I smiled, and passed him the salt.  
  
  
  
Alicia and Katie seem to spend an awful lot of time on the Quidditch pitch. Well, so would I if I had a gorgeous looking Captain like that!  
  
Not that they would EVER try anything. I have told them repeatedly how much I love him, and besides, Alicia has a thing about Fred Weasley. Or George Weasley. Well, it's one of them, anyway!  
  
I really have to stop writing hearts on the top of my essays - sooner or later Flitwick will notice.  
  
I'm in the common room - waiting for Oliver to come back from practice.  
  
6.05pm  
  
That damn Granger girl is doing it again.  
  
6.10pm  
  
Granger girl has run up to her room crying about mean 5th years. Heheheh.  
  
6.20pm  
  
'The Boy Who Lived' and his equally moronic friend Weasley no.6 are playing exploding snap. Tis VERY annoying.  
  
6.30pm  
  
'The Boy Who Lived' and his equally moronic friend Weasley no.6 have sulked off to their room muttering about crazy 5th years with PMT. Hehehe.  
  
6.45pm  
  
Finished my Charms homework. Oliver really should have come back by now. I really am starting to worry. Maybe he fell off his broom, and hit his head open. Maybe an evil bludger attacked him - what if he's lying out there in the rain covered in mud and dirt, and he's DYING??  
  
6.50pm  
  
Why am I so stupid and paranoid? None of those things could have happened.  
  
Reason 1: He's just walked into the common room.  
  
Reason 2: It's not even raining.  
  
  
  
OK - I'll just sit over here writing away looking like I haven't planned out our wedding reception already (note to self for later: Chicken to start with) and he will come over and talk to me.  
  
7.30pm  
  
Or not.  
  
11.35pm  
  
Just had long talk with Percy Weasley, he always makes me feel better. I tell him my secrets, and he tells me his. Last year, I was the only one he told he was gay.  
  
Not like it's a huge well kept secret. He acts so camp it's untrue! He says I have to tell Oliver I like him. FAT CHANCE! That is SO not going to happen. I can't just walk up and tell him.  
  
'So how will he know you like him?' Percy 'reasoned'  
  
'I'll just wait for him to realise I do.'  
  
'When will that happen?'  
  
'When he's smart enough to realise that me avoiding him, tripping up in front of him, not talking about his beloved Quidditch team and giving everyone evil looks in the mornings means I have a burning desire to have his babies!'  
  
Why don't men get it?? 


	4. September 10th and 15th

A/N - Just before I start, many thanks for all the kind reviews! Very encouraging, so I will continue with Jessica.  
  
Oh, and a funny thought occurred to me today, how funny would it be if JKR finished the WHOLE of the 5th book, and was about to press 'save' on the computer, but hit 'delete' instead???!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Not very.  
  
  
  
  
  
September 10th  
  
  
  
Boyfriends: 0  
  
Crushes: 1  
  
Points lost/gained: -30 (We had double potions, and I was PMS'ing)  
  
Plus a detention.dammit. I really shouldn't have said what I said.but I don't want to go into that.  
  
Mortal Enemies: 1 (Snape, obviously, but Angelina is very close to being one)  
  
Chocolate frogs: 5  
  
4.00pm  
  
I do NOT like Angelina. I really don't. And I definitely do not like Snape. He's a mean old bastard who can't get laid. I really do think that's his problem.  
  
So what if I called him some names? I was PMS'ing again, I really don't need a detention tonight when my stomach is churning and I have cramps.  
  
I think I will blame Angelina. Even though she is in the hospital wing.  
  
Hey! I swear, nothing to do with me!! (This time). It's just a happy coincidence.  
  
Something to do with a racing broom and a rogue bludger. I don't know - Alicia wouldn't tell me, but what I am REALLY annoyed about is he CARRIED her!! Oliver CARRIED that prissy-bitch to the hospital wing. What is wrong with a levitating spell, may I ask?? It's much more hygenic.  
  
Oh well, let's just hope the bludger managed to ruin her perfect little nose. And hopefully she will put on some weight when she's lying around in bed.  
  
Damn! I have to get my homework done before detention. I really hate him. I really do!  
  
10.00pm  
  
I had to disembowel loads of toads with some Neville boy. He looked like he was about to wet himself everytime Snape walked into the room, so I gave him some advice.  
  
'Just imagine him in his underwear, then he won't scare you.'  
  
I really don't think that choice-comment helped much, he looked a LOT more scared after that.  
  
Oh well, it was okay! I spent the whole hour thinking about bludgers racing at Angelina. It went a lot quicker than I had hoped!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
September 15th  
  
Boyfriends: 0  
  
Crushes: 1  
  
Mortal Enemies: 1  
  
Points lost/gained: 10! (That Quirrel guy is SO nice!) Chocolate Frogs: 0 (Disembowelling toads for Snapey REALLY put me off)  
  
3.00pm  
  
Just had Defence against the Dark Arts. That Quirrel guy is SO funny! He can't control the class, gives points out to EVERYONE (even me!) and is just generally very funny.  
  
I know why we have double lessons now, he stutters so much it takes double the time!!  
  
Still, while we were there, McGonagall came in, and asked for Oliver, and he walked out, and came back in, with that wonderful smile of his.  
  
I like that smile.  
  
It must have been something to do with Quidditch because he was talking to Alicia about it, and Katie. Not me, though. Dammit, I must get onto that team..  
  
Oh - but you know what REALLY annoyed me? Because Angelina is still in the hospital wing, Oliver is taking notes for her. Can you believe that?  
  
So after the lesson finished he ran off up to the hospital wing. RAN. Not walked quickly, no - ran.  
  
And I know he went to the hospital wing to see the Bitch cos he had transfigured some flowers for her. Isn't that just wonderful??  
  
Hmm...........I wonder if I can find a way for Oliver to bring me flowers.  
  
I HAVE to go talk to some people. I really need some advice.  
  
  
  
10.00pm  
  
Katie Bell's advice: Fuck him. Fuck them all.  
  
Katie likes to say fuck - a lot.  
  
Percy Weasley's advice: Don't let him know you like him. Now, I have to go. I have a date with that hunky 7th year Ravenclaw.  
  
Percy doesn't help.  
  
Alicia Spinnet's advice: Make a move now.  
  
Alicia doesn't understand how NORMAL things work. She's great with guys, she just walks straight up to them and talks. I can't do that.  
  
10.04pm  
  
Granger is seriously close to being kicked. 10.06pm  
  
Granger run up to her room crying again. Boooooooring.  
  
10.07pm  
  
Oh look, it's 'The Boy Who Lived' and his equally moronic friend Weasley no.6 come to defend their little friend! How touching.  
  
10.08pm  
  
Dammit - I sounded SERIOUSLY Snape-ish there, didn't I??? I'd better start being nicer to people.  
  
10.10pm  
  
Too late. Weasley no.6 sprouting a carrot from his forehead. It's getting bigger! I love that spell.  
  
10.12pm  
  
Weasley no.6 gone to tell a prefect. What he doesn't know is that his brother is on a date, with a boy.  
  
I think the whole of Gryffindor could be on Jerry Springer at the rate we're going.  
  
The Boy Who Lived is trying to deal with the news he is a wizard who destroyed the Dark Lord, while keeping up to date with his Potions homework.  
  
Weasley no.6: His brother is having a passionate love-affair with a Ravenclaw 7th year. He has a carrot growing from his forehead and he is madly in love with that Granger girl, although he won't tell her.  
  
Granger girl: Has a REALLY bad attitude problem and needs a make-over.  
  
Me: In love with a guy who doesn't know it, and trying to stop that freaky Neville boy from developing a crush on me.  
  
UGH!! Just cos I was nice to him a few times doesn't mean I want a toy-boy. This is seriously disturbing. 


	5. September 16th

A/N - Just realised, I've buggered up the time lines a wee bit, so in this Alicia and Katie are in 3rd year. HEY! No-one said they were in the same year as Oliver. For the sake of lots of juicy arguments (and you know you want that!) Oliver and Angelina are in Jessica's year, and her classes. I figured Jessica is friends with Alicia and Katie because she scared off all the other 5th year girls, but I will be introducing some O/C this chapter!  
  
(And Draco lovers, 'Albino dude' is coming soon!)  
  
  
  
  
  
September 16th  
  
Boyfriends: 0  
  
Crushes: 1  
  
Weight: Don't even want to know. But I am now distributing chocolate frog cards to eager little first years adding to their collections.  
  
Mortal enemies: 0 (Snape is now just an enemy)  
  
Rivals for Oliver's attentions: 2 (Angelina, obviously, and that Perverti Patil girl).  
  
10.00am  
  
Neville boy seriously worrying me. He's sitting next to me at breakfast now.  
  
At the best of times, I am a bitch. At this 'time of the month' I am a lot worse. Plus it is the morning. Doesn't he know to get away from me? He's fricking reading over my shoulder now.  
  
10.03am  
  
Neville boy not worrying me any more. I would write down the spell I used but I don't want the ministry using it as evidence against me.  
  
10.45am  
  
Dammit, I don't want to go to Potions! Why do we have it in the morning?? WHY?? There's always the danger I will say something sarcastic to Snapey. Even though it is pretty funny! It really is. He sort of goes pale, and if you say something really bad then he kinda twitches, very amusing!  
  
12.30pm  
  
It's lunch. We just had double potions, but I did at least manage to stay quiet - well, quiet-ish, anyway.  
  
Katie and Alicia aren't in my year, they're in 3rd year, so in Potions the only people I talk to are Oliver and Angelina.  
  
Dammit! Bianca was allowed to give up potions, why wasn't I?? She was so much fun last year! We were great together.  
  
The best time was when she - actually, no. I don't want to go into that. Granted, it was very funny, but she had detention for a month. Sometimes I think the sorting hat put her in the wrong house, or maybe it just had the foresight not to put us in the same house. I can just imagine the colour McGonagall would turn if we were both in Gryffindor.  
  
I think it only put her in Slytherin because she was looking at that Marcus Flint when she was sorted! She still likes him.  
  
The reason I don't think she is a true Slytherin is pretty simple, she has no desire to be a Death Eater. She hates Snape. He hates her. She has no evil parents, yes they are pureblood but they're not Voldie-supporters.  
  
But being Slytherin she does have some pretty cunning plans every so often. She really is very good at them! Though last time she ran off leaving me to get caught by Filch. Damned cat of his.  
  
Speaking of Bianca, I need to catch up with her. I didn't even get an owl from her all summer.  
  
That's the Slytherin side in her! I bet she was abroad all summer. Her parents are MEGA rich, they really are!  
  
Anyway, our friends don't like us being friends, but we can't help it if she's Gryffindor and she's Slytherin. I think we're both a mixture of the two.  
  
Not that Snapey and McGonagall think of it like that. They're determined to keep us separate from each other as much as is within their power. Doesn't work, though. I'm going to go see her later.  
  
5.00pm  
  
Just had chat with Percy. He's all against me going to see Bianca after curfew, but he's not exactly going to tell on me, is he? He'd better bloody not do.  
  
I know why he acts bossy and all het-up about his work. Believe me, I know _exactly_ why he spends so much time in his room, and he's NOT working on his Transfiguration homework.  
  
5.15pm  
  
Just heard the awful terrible awful incredibly annoying pooey news.  
  
Angelina's leg is all better, isn't that wonderful? It really is..  
  
Oliver ran into the common room practically beaming.  
  
And Katie finally told me what I DIDN'T need to hear.  
  
'The Boy Who Lived' is the new Gryffindor seeker, despite the fact he's never even seen a Quidditch game before, and from what I've heard, spent the first 11 years of his life in a cupboard.  
  
And Angelina fricking Johnson is the 3rd chaser.  
  
DAMMIT! I KNOW I never got round to trying out for the team, but still!! It's not fricking fair - is it??  
  
Again the voices in my head who do not seem to like me are telling me that yes it is fair because I have never been able to fly more than 2 yards on a broomstick hovering above the grass, without falling off the damn thing!  
  
5.45pm  
  
Dammit, I've sat here listening to Oliver, Katie, Angelina, Alicia, Weasleys no.4 and 5, and of course, 'The Boy Who Lived' talking about QUIDDITCH.  
  
Not like I don't mind the 'Sacred-Seven' going on and on about the next match, not like it hurts me to listen to Katie and Alicia fill Angelina in on practice days when they will get together, not like I care if Oliver gets a bit to close to Angelina's perfectly thin body, not like I give a damn if Oliver calls them all  
  
'Team'.  
  
Team. With a capital 'T'. I want more than anything now to be part of that.  
  
Bugger the curfew, I need to go talk to Bianca. 


	6. Sept 17th Yes I know it's been ages, I'm...

September 17th.  
  
Detentions: 2 Chocolate frogs: Don't ask. Boyfriends: 0.  
  
DAMN THAT SLYTHERIN GIT!  
  
Both of them - have they nothing better to do than prowl the corridors at night? OK, so Malfoy Jr. was within the curfew, but only just! The conversation went something like this: -  
  
Me. *outside the Slytherin common room* Malfoy: *walking through the dungeons at the same time as me* What are you doing here? Me: Can you get Bianca for me? Him: No. Me: Listen to me you little - *insert expletives here* If you don't go and get Bianca for me, right now, I'll ----  
  
Snape: Miss Reynolds. Malfoy Jr: *smirks evilly* Me: *lets go of the little Albino arsehole and turns round* Snape: Come with me. Malfoy, get back to your dormitory. Malfoy Jr: Yes, sir *smirks evilly at me*  
  
So Snape took me to his office, which is full of GROSS things, let me tell you, then he said something about Gryffindors and foolhardiness and breaking rules, and on the next train back to the muggle world, etc etc, all the usual stuff, then I have 2 detentions! TWO?  
  
I've asked the Weasley Twins to slip something in his morning pumpkin juice, or coffee, or blood. Whatever he drinks.  
  
So I got back to the dormitory late, and they were asking me where I'd been, and I told them. They had mixed reactions, of course.  
  
Oliver: Aww, well never mind, Jess.  
  
Percy: Well it's your own fault, isn't it? And the Slytherin common room?! I didn't think you were that stupid, Jess!  
  
Angelina: (stupid bitch) That's too bad.  
  
Potter boy and Weasley no.6 were talking on the stairs, right in my way. They scurried off when I came storming towards them, though. Hehe! RUN LITTLE FIRST YEARS, RUN!! 


	7. September 21st

September 21th.  
  
Boyfriends: 0. Admirers: 1 Admirers who don't make me throw up when I look at them: 0  
  
What is it with that Neville-boy? SERIOUSLY.  
  
I had detention with him, I think Snape just has a quota of Gryffindors in detention that he has to fill. So - first night, okay. I had to brew some potion or other. Can't remember the name - I think it was a healing potion, it may have been something else. What does it matter? He said it was okay. Second night, Neville is there, perving all over me, as per usual. I can't even pass him in the corridors nowadays without, 'Hi Jess!' I told him to stop that! People will think I know him.  
  
So I get back to Gryffindor Tower and Oliver and Angelina are 'studying' by the fire, looking very cosy. Bitch. She's just had her hair done, as well. She went into Hogsmeade. The annoying thing is, it looks really nice, and Oliver keeps touching it - which is what boys do when they OBVIOUSLY like you. Why is she playing hard to get? Stupid slag. We all know she slept with that 6th year Ravenclaw last year.  
  
Yeah, so, my life is shit.  
  
Things I need to do to sort out my life:  
  
Stop getting detention.  
  
Move on from Oliver.  
  
Lose weight.  
  
Crush Neville boy's crush on me.  
  
That's about it, I think. So if I do all of those, then Oliver will like me, wait - then I've already moved on from Oliver, so I'll be like stupid Angelina bitch. Not responding to the obvious, sickeningly sweet flirting.  
  
And I keep seeing Potter boy wandering round the corridors, with Weasley no.6. Fortunately, Granger-girl no longer with them to annoy me to the power of 3, but she is spending a lot of time in her room, upset. Why is she upset? Maybe she likes the Boy who Lived. If he wasn't a first year, I think I could go for the fame and that kind of thing.  
  
Of course Oliver will be England Quidditch Captain before we know it, and we can sell the wedding photos to 'Witch Weekly' magazine, and talk about how happy we are, and how sad we were to hear the news about Angelina's fall from a hexed-broom that went beserk. *evil grin*  
  
Potions homework to do, for tomorrow. It's some essay or other, can't remember what it's about. I may need to ask someone.  
  
Transfiguration homework also for tomorrow.  
  
  
  
Angelina just breezed past in a cloud of cheap perfume and reminded me that Charms essay also for tomorrow.  
  
I'm screwed. I'm tired and I'm screwed, want to sleep. No - can't sleep. Homework to do. Dammit. 


End file.
